Wednesday 3 October 2012

Forget the blame game, the priority is to find April Jones

On Monday 1 October 2012, five-year-old April Jones from Machynlleth in Powys, Wales got into a van at around 7pm and hasn't been seen since.  Her parents are naturally said to be "shattered" by her disappearance and the whole community is in shock, with large numbers of people turning out to help search for the little girl.

Stories like this are heartbreaking, especially as a mother to two young children.  I hope April is safe and unharmed, and quickly.  When I was a child, my family used to holiday regularly in Machynlleth, staying at a caravan park just outside of the town.  Although I haven't visited the town for around 15 years, I certainly remember it as a small, quiet, sleepy, market town nestled amongst large Welsh hills.  It's one of the reasons why April's disappearance has particularly affected me.  I remember Machynlleth as being a place where nothing ever really happened; it was so ordinary and so safe.

As is bound to happen, I've seen some people on various social networking sites asking questions of April's parents - 'where were they?', 'how could they let their five-year-old out at night on her own?' or, even more judgementally, 'I would never let something like this happen to my child'.  April's parents are devastated, let's give them some space and stop with the finger pointing.  The priority at this stage has to be finding April and returning her to her family. 

But, this case has generated some interesting debate on the issue of allowing children out on their own and whether there is a set age at which to do this.  In April's case, we don't know the full circumstances.  Yes, she was playing outside with her friends at 7pm in the evening but one or both of her parents or an older sibling may have been nearby, for instance.  April's group of friends may have been older than her.  The fact that she was with a group of other children suggests that a number of families deemed the area safe enough to allow them outside without close adult supervision.

I can certainly understand this.  As a parent, I am naturally and instinctively protective of my children but I recognise that allowing them some independence is a positive thing.  I want to make sure they're safe but don't want to be a 'helicopter parent'.  It's a very fine and difficult balance.  I believe it's best not to wrap children in cotton wool and that they should experience doing things for themselves.  As Sophia or Dexter grow older, I'd be happy for them to go to the local park by themselves, walk home from school or go out on their bikes with their friends.  Yes, it'll make me nervous but they'll benefit from the independence and freedom.  My husband is much more nervous.  He's terrified that Sophia or Dexter will stray out of our eyesight and they will be snatched.  Stories of missing children stick with him and make him anxious for the safety of our children.

So at what age should we allow our children this freedom to explore and play without a parent close by?  I believe it's a totally individual and unique decision for every parent to make.  It'll depend on how safe you believe your local area is; how responsible and sensible you believe you child is; who they'll be with; how old those other people are; where they'll be going etc.  I can't blame April's parents for allowing her to play outside, it was a decision they chose to make based on their knowledge of the local area.  I'm sure they'll be beating themselves up about allowing April out to play and don't need anyone else throwing them judgemental stares.

If you're looking for someone to blame for April's disappearance, I suggest blaming the monster who took her.  In the meantime, I'll be praying for her safe return and hope her family can slowly begin to put their lives back together.

And, if you might have any information that could help find April Jones, Dyfed-Powys Police have a dedicated hotline number on 0300 2000 333.

17 comments:

  1. Sorry but the parents are responsible. Allowing a child that young to play at that time of night with no supervision where ever they are shows how they have failed as parents, yes questions should be raised over their parenting, or lack of, skills. This little girl was 5 not 10, sorry but they did not act responsibly and had they been watching her they would have prevented it happening.

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  2. The parents are completely culpable for this happening. This was a 5 year old child. There is no circumstance, anywhere in the UK where it is acceptable for a 5 year old child to be left without any adult supervision whatsoever. Ever. The lack of parenting they've shown has directly led to a situation where the child can be snatched. 5 year olds need 11 hours of sleep a night. That child should have been getting ready for bed, not out playing unsupervised. You're wrong here. It's indefensible parenting.

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  3. Thanks for commenting. I think it's too soon to be making judgements; as I said in my post we don't know the full circumstances. They may have thought other parents or older children would be nearby, perhaps they did have their eye on April but was distracted by one of their other children for a second, or maybe they feel safe in their community and completely at ease in letting their children play unsupervised for short periods of time - let's not forget that Machynlleth is a very different place to a busy city like Birmingham or London. This doesn't necessarily equate to them being bad, uncaring parents.


    The sad fact of the matter is that if a 'predator' (for want of a better word) is intent on taking a child, they will. They will watch, wait and strike at an opportune moment - and that could be during the day, early evening or night. It's impossible to keep your child/children in your sights 100% of the time.

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    1. It's a shame that even though you have taken time to write this article, there are still people who clearly haven't absorbed the gist of it! It is entirely impossible to know all the ins-and-outs of the community, location and safety of it. No parent wishes for this to happen to their children and we assume they thought it was safe, for whatever reason, whether it was just outside their house, or people where watching the children. How sad of the previous commenters to say the parents have failed (ignoring the fact that someone took her, her parents didn't do that!) I imagine her parents' every moments are filled with self blame but this is not the time to laden even more blame. Life is filled with "if only" moments, and it is impossible to watch children all the time despite our every efforts. It is normal and natural to wish independence for our children and we should remember that it is because incidents like this are so rare that they get reported so widely. We mustn't sit in our ivory towers casting blame but extend our support and help to the poor parents. We can't forget that we are all trying to do the best for our children, whatever age, whether it is our first or youngest child. Like the vast majority of parents here, I will hug my baby a little tighter and pray for April and her family.

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  4. We don't know if there was a total lack of adult supervision here. She was playing with friends but how old were her friends? Were older siblings or friends nearby? Were her parents keeping an eye on her from their house? Were other parents keeping an eye on them? Machynlleth is a small, quiet town and I imagine that the community is mainly a safe and trusting one with families feeling secure in letting their children play together for periods of time.


    I understand your point about bedtimes but my two children don't go to bed until 8pm. and they still get their 11-12 hours of sleep each night. Sometimes they're in their PJ's by 7pm, sometimes they're not. Could it not be possible that April had a bedtime of 8pm but was spending some of her time beforehand playing with friends before getting in to her pyjamas? The act of getting dressed for bed takes minutes after all (and all children will naturally have different sleeping patterns).


    I don't agree that the parents are completely culpable. The only person to blame here is the person (or people) who took April. If someone is committed to abducting a child, they will do it. That's the scary thing. No parent can ever keep their child (or children) in their sights 24 hours a day, seven days a week. One thing we do know is that April's parents are not uncaring, they are completely and utterly devastated by the disappearance of their daughter. No parent deserves to go through this and they deserve our support during this difficult time, not blame or judgement.

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  5. i don't think it has anything to do with bad parenting. i agree that the only person to blame is the monster who took the girl! letting your 5 years old child go out and play with friends outside your house should not be considered bad - do you suggest that we should all keep our children behind the closed doors? don't let them play with others? or sit with them all the time? why a 10 year old should be safer than a 5 year old? - thinking that way, no child is ever safe outside, even with a parent nearby. i used to live in a small town and as a child i spent my free time outside, in the play park, with my mom looking over at me from time to time from the balcony. i was always around other kids - same age and older. i lived close to my school and from the very first day i was getting there myself on foot (with my friends- all between 7-9 years of age). i know the times changed but we can't all now go crazy and assume there is a danger at every corner, waiting to hurt our children. what happened to April is a tragic but still very unlikely situation. i don't blame the girl's parents, it wasn't their fault.

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  6. I agree, and also wrote about the subject of letting children play out today. I've been sickened by some of the comments I've read blaming the parents, when the only person to blame is the filth that took her. When she's still missing, surely the priority should be to get her found, NOT start finger pointing?!

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  7. It reportedly happened at 7pm in the evening. How do we know her parents weren't constantly watching from the house and looked away for a couple of minutes? She could have been minutes away from being called in to get ready for bed. We just don't know, and while she's still missing, I think the priority should be getting her home safely, where she belongs, and not laying blame. :-(

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  8. There is no excuse for the shithead that abducted that poor little girl whoever did it should be hung drawn and quartered, but just gotta say that our 5years old would of been either in bed or getting ready for bed at 7pm.

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  9. The bottom line to this case is that a little girl was abducted by a complete and utter lowlife scumbag and there is absolutely no one else to blame. I agree with you 100% that the parents assumed, as all good parents do, that April was safe. But along came a monster. Her parents are going through hell and don't need people who don't even know them judging them and pointing blame. Absolutely despicable.

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  10. It's so sad that our children can't go out on their own in the early evening. I certainly did! I used to play out in our cul de sac until 7pm when I was this age. I'd play football with my brother, ride my little bike, make bases in the tiny patch of woodland... what a shame some evil people in this world have stripped our children of their innocence and freedom.

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  11. I totally agree. We must try to remember that child abduction is very rare, although that's obviously no comfort to any parent who goes through this awful ordeal

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  12. I read your post, which made a good point. I feel that by people blaming the parents, it almost excuses the behaviour of the culprit, which is completely unacceptable

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  13. I have heard that April Jones asked her parents if she could play outside for an extra half hour on that fateful night as a reward for doing so well in her school work (it had been parents evening the night before and she had received a glowing report from teachers). Her parents agreed to this one-off request. Does this make them bad parents? Absolutely not!

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  14. I sincerely hope that whoever took her faces the full force of the law. With regard to bedtimes, my two children would still be up at 7pm. Sometimes they'll be starting to get ready for bed at 7pm, sometimes they'll get into their pyjamas later. They'll always be in bed at 8pm though which is their bedtime. Sometimes they might play outside in the back garden before coming in to get their pyjamas on. If I didn't have a back garden but did have a green space right outside my home where my children could play, would I let them play there? Possibly (although I'll never know unless I'm in that specific situation). Would that make me a bad parent? I don't think it would

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  15. Couldn't agree with you more CJ. I've heard some awful comments by people when I've been at work and I've really had to bite my tongue at such crass judgements

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  16. I totally agree. I used to love going out on my bike when I was young. I seem to recall being allowed out on my own - or at least with friends of the same age - at around nine-years-old. We lived on a very busy road, which was why I wasn't allowed out on my own much earlier than that (I think both of our experiences highlight the fact that such decisions are very personal and individual to each family, and to be made by parents according to their specific circumstances). Thanks for commenting

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